Why????

Elderly PA Wal Mart greeter assaulted

Via Jackson, NJ News

"North Versailles, PA – Police in North Versailles, Pennsylvania responded within seconds after 55 year old Paul Washington clocked 72 year old Thomas Jenkins, 72, of McKeesport, a holiday shopping greeter outside Wal Mart.

According to a WPXI report, Jenkins said “I am walking down, the next thing you know, boom, I’m on the ground. I didn’t see nothing coming,” said Jenkins. “All I hear is, ‘Pow,’ and I am on the ground laying.”

Jenkins was taken to UPMC McKeesport Hospital and then transferred to UPMC Presbyterian Hospital because he lost a large amount of blood and several teeth in the attack. The cause of the attack may have stemmed from Jenkins requesting to see Washington’s receipt on his way out of the store."

Holy Crap! Given, this blog has been critical of the elderly and their failure to assimilate to our society, but I do not condone sucker-punching a 72 year-old greeter at Wal-mart! (I also do not condone shopping at Wal-Mart)

Normally, I would feel responsible for encouraging this unacceptable behavior, but I am pretty sure the man who punched Thomas Jenkins (not actual photo) is not one of the three avid readers of my blog (Hi, Dad!).

This poor guy. He was working, providing for himself! Then, doing his job, he asks a customer for a receipt and gets cold cocked by Jerk Of The Year. Not only that, he was genuinely injured. Take comfort in the high quality care and respect Wal-mart treats its employees with, so Mr. Jenkins will be well taken care of. Or Not.

Here is the video:

Newsflash: Old People Are Picky

Elderly declare war on socks for Christmas

Via: The Times Of London

"Members of Southwark Circle, an organisation that fights for senior citizens' rights, gathered at a bus station in south London yesterday to campaign for useful presents from friends and family this Christmas."

"...Waving placards declaring "No More Socks," they hope to see an end to the mundane gifts they are given each year."

"...We've all got drawers full of ties," said 89-year-old Stan Hardy, a longtime member of Southwark Circle. "This year we're saying 'if you're going to spend your money, spend it on something we want'"

"..."I'd love to go to the West End and watch a show or get some vouchers for internet lessons or something."

British people are weird.

 First of all, at least your family is still giving you gifts, so don't complain! Secondly, who still gets points across with posters on a street corner? I'd say use the internet, but evidently you need a "voucher" to use it. Do you think Barack Obama got elected standing on a street corner holding a sign? Hell no! Thirdly (is that a word?), tell them what you want. Odds are, you get a new tie every year because you decided to order cioppino at that wedding last year and managed to get it all over your silk tie right in front of the people who bought it for you. 

Is it just me or is this an absurd display of self-absorption? The time spent standing on the street corner demanding non-socks could be used for knitting mittens for poor kids, serving food to the homeless, or watching Wheel of Fortune. 

Remember That One Thanksgiving?

The one where dad got out of the car to fight the old man in the street? Of course you do!

79 Year-Old Hurt In Fight In Irvine

By Sean Emery

Via The Orange County Register

"IRVINE – A 79-year-old was taken to the hospital after confronting a passenger in a vehicle that almost hit him at an Irvine intersection, police said today...

...The elderly man became upset, Hare said, yelling at the vehicle's occupants, who police have identified as a 47-year-old man and his teenage daughter, who was driving the vehicle.

The elderly man struck the hood of the car, Hare said. The car's passenger responded by getting out of the vehicle and 

pushing the elderly man, causing him to trip on the curb and fall to the ground."

So it wasn't a full-blown fight, but good enough. Turns out, elderly man was taken to nearby hospital with pain in all the usual areas: hip, wrist, etc. Charges are yet to be filed. 

As an avid cyclist (I'm in peak physical condition) I have to side with the old man here. I flip more people off riding my bike than I ever have driving. It is dangerous, and there are a lot of idiots (like teenage driver, above) who completely disregard pedestrians and cyclists. So I can understand being pissed off after being nearly struck by a vehicle. Pounding your fist on the hood of the car is good way to get your point across. 

To the man who pushed an elderly person to the ground in front of his daughter: You have ruined Thanksgiving. I hope you are happy. 

I KNEW IT!

 Health District says it isn't discriminating against the elderly for H1N1 shots

BY LENITA POWERS 

Via The Reno Journal-Gazette

"Complaints that the government is guilty of age discrimination for refusing to let people 65 and older with chronic health problems attend H1N1 flu clinics for high-risk groups are unfounded, Judy Davis, spokeswoman for the Washoe County Health District, said Wednesday."

Called it! Ok, so this was downright predictable, but still, I giving myself some kudos. I'm really glad I found this article, mainly for self-validation. Judy Davis continues to lay it down for the old folks....

'We’ve heard some comments that this appears like the government in general doesn’t value its older citizens, but this has nothing to do with age discrimination. It’s about trying to get to the most vulnerable people first.”

Hey! Whoa! Common Sense! It is that sense of entitlement again. Every old person ever: I realize you've walked (albeit slowly) this earth for around 80 years, but that doesn't necessarily entitle you to meds you don't really need but want anyway because you deserve them dagnabbit. 

I could do an entire post on old people's obsession with meds, whether they really need them or not. Sometimes, when I feel  like punishing myself, I listen to Nana talk on the phone to her elderly sister (who is cool because she doesn't tolerate Nana's bullshit). Anyway, they seriously compare doctor visits and the meds that they are prescribed. Its like a one-upping competition about uppers (If you consider blood pressure medication "uppers"). 

Seriously, the elderly of today need to understand that they take the back seat to pregnant women and children when it comes to H1N1 vaccines. Deal with it. 

The Old Man And The Weed

Elderly Man Charged With Smuggling $250K in Marijuana

By Diana Eva Maldonado

Via: Brownsville (teehee) Herald

"U.S. Customs and Border Protection says Federico Hernandez Garza, 74, of Brownsville, was hauling two bundles of wood flooring in a 1995 Ford Aerostar. CBP says he was sent to secondary inspection when an officer found inconsistencies in the bundles of wood."

Another elderly criminal! I am compiling enough stories to have a special on FOX! 

First, bank-robbing old dude, then grandma-killing old lady, now this!

...Maybe he didn't know the weed was in there? Like somebody promised free dinner and flan if he drove the van across the border? Just a thought. 

He probably knew it, though. Look into those eyes. Pure evil. Pure, drug-lovin, evil. I bet the marijuana made him maniacal. 

Does Every Elderly Person Drive With A Neck Brace?

Drivers Simulate Being Elderly

TUESDAY, 10 NOVEMBER 2009 18:37

 VIA WTVQ.COM

"As the first wave of baby boomers gets older, more and more elderly people are driving.

With elderly drivers on the increase, a workshop was held today in Lexington where reporters suited up in a weighted suit that simulated fatigue and the effects of aging on the body.

Driving on a closed course became very difficult, as reaction times were slower, and mobility was impeded."

...This was from a local ABC affiliate in Kentucky, so there is also a broadcast story to go along with it, complete with local reporter (pictured) dressed in a suit that simulates being old.  Elderly suits are the new fat suit. Sorry, Tyler Perry (I just killed your entire career. So there!)

I guess this is a good idea...seems like a waste of time and money, but if it gets the point across...

The video is pretty boring. Reporter just drives around all slow and yuks it up for the camera. For sensationalism sake, lets say it went more like this:

Still, I would absolutely love the opportunity to drive/wreck a vehicle in an old person suit. 

"Where is the ANY key?" Part II

Internet Can Help Save Elderly From Senility

By Jason Mick

Via: DailyTech.com

"The latest study, from the prestigious Semel Institute forNeuroscience and Human Behavior at UCLA found that older adults using the internet were able to sharpen their mental skills and ward off the decline in function that their peers were facing.

When searching for information on the internet, the researchers spotted key decision-making and reasoning centers of the brain firing.  Previous studies have shown that this type of stimulation leads to enhanced cognitive processing and slows the decline in overall brain function."

Adding to the previous post that internet use can decrease depression in the elderly, this article states that internet use can also help save the elderly from impending senility. The internet can do so much!

Decreased senility among the elderly is good for everybody. The general population may no longer have to tolerate this, this, this, or this.

"Where is the ANY key?"

Internet Use Decreases Depression In Senior Citizens: Report

By: Amy Tierney

Via: TMC Net Healthcare

"Spending time online reduced depression among senior citizens by 20 percent, according to a report by the Phoenix Center, a nonprofit group that studies broadband Internet policy issues.

 

The report, “Internet Use and Depression Among the Elderly,” found that the Internet fosters interpersonal communication, helps reduce loneliness and improves a sense of well-being among seniors."

Well I'll be! I can believe this. Nana loves the internet, she would usually call me into the den once a day to help her figure out "where the screen went."  Sadly, I think that Nana is fairly internet savvy compared to most other elderly. I mean, she created a facebook account, has no idea how to use it or upload pictures, but at least she created one. 

I think that sending chain emails about praying for (person, place or thing) is what really improves their sense of well being. The loneliness is reduced by email conversations with Marklar, a Nigerian man who wants to put money in their account for safe keeping (all he needs is your bank account info!), and the interpersonal communication is fostered by emailing pictures of their grandchildren to their entire address book. 

Maybe if more elderly use the internet, I'll start getting hate mail! A girl can dream. 

"You Should Get A Gun"

We shall wait until all five of a person's senses are deteriorated. Their vision shall be blurry, their reaction time slow, their hands shaky, their hearing non-existent, and their judgment shall be poor. 

....Now, let us give them all guns. 

Think that is a bad idea? This jackass doesn't. 

Mr. Eric Puryear of THE EXAMINER (I've never heard of it either) thinks that "armed self defense is a senior citizen’s best chance at stopping a younger and stronger criminal who attacks them."

Yikes. This is a recipe for disaster, sir. Lets encourage those who accidentally step on the gas pedal instead of the brake pedal to buy a Glock. It is comparable to advocating arming middle-schoolers. Can their fragile bones even handle the recoil???

On the other hand, it would boost the economy. After all, I assume that sales of The Back Up® would triple. Then again, accidental shootings would increase tenfold. 

Needless to say, this article scares me. 

Nintendo, Meet Nana.

Recently, Nana asked if she could borrow my Wii so she could practice bowling for a Wii tournament at the senior center. After deflecting the question, I began to really think about old people and Wii gaming...

I don't really play my Wii as much as I should. I rarely play video games, and when I do, I want to do it lazily, without having to move any extremities. So, like manual labor, peas, and sunlight, it just not my thing. 

However, I do think that old people playing Wii is great. It gets them in touch with reality (although Nana did call the controller a "remote") and gets them moving. Also, it familiarizes them with Mario, Luigi, Princess Peach and the gang (This is crucial because it may prevent some young grandchildren from receiving knockoff Nintendo gear from Big Lots for Christmas).

I told Nana that practice was for losers and wished her the best of luck...I leave you with a list of 1o Funniest Photos of Old People Playing Wii. 

PS: The above link has a sequel! Its the SPEED 2 of "top ten" posts. (The joke here is that Speed was bad, and Speed 2 was worse. Apply that knowledge to the above link. AKA, its a lame countdown, and I'm sure "the sequel" is too.)

All I Can Come Up With Is, "Really?!?"

 Woman, 75, gets jail for running over an older woman near church

Ana Torres was convicted of hit-and-run 

By Larry Welborn

Via The Orange County Register

"SANTA ANA – An unrepentant 75-year-old Fullerton woman was sentenced to nine months in jail today on her felony hit-and-run and vehicular manslaughter convictions for running over and killing an 89-year-old pedestrian in a Placentia church parking lot."

...

"Instead of stopping to render aid, Torres drove away from the scene and parked her car. Baez argued that it would have been impossible for Torres not to know she had struck and run over the elderly woman, who screamed after she was knocked to the ground. Pound's DNA was found on the undercarriage of Torres' parked car."

The article also goes on to state that Torres can serve her time in home confinement instead, if the probation office "deems that appropriate."

Let us analyze what this woman did. She ran over an 89-year-old woman walking on a SIDEWALK , drove off, left woman to die, lied to police when questioned, and is still denying any guilt, even though DNA was found on the undercarriage of her car. Also, this took place in a Church Parking Lot! Jesus was watching!

NINE months in jail?!?!?!? The DA called that sentence "generous," I call it "getting off easy because you're old."

If this woman was 35, do you think she would have gotten the same sentence? It is not right that anybody gets treated any differently because of their age. It's a lot like my Nana freely using the term "Negro," most people just brush it off because of her generation. Excuse me, but she is an adult, she knows it is not acceptable, and she uses it anyway because people let her get away with it. 

Superior Court Judge David Thompson:  FAIL. You treated her like she's Lindsay Lohan or Mike Corona. 

"And I Want It All In Pennies!"

The gentleman to the right has been terrorizing San Diego bank tellers with his steady stare and gummy grimace. He is a suspect in three other bank robberies in the area. Read the story. Or just read the headline, it will give you the gist of it. 

Elderly Bank Robber Strikes In San Diego County Again

Via: LA Times

"...On Aug. 29, a robber in his 70s struck the U.S. Bank in Santee. On Sept. 11, a robber in his 70s, with an oxygen tank on his back, robbed a San Diego National Bank branch in La Jolla."

...  

"...In Friday's robbery, the man handed a teller a demand note and said he had a gun, although none was seen. He escaped with an undisclosed amount of cash."

I have decided to root for this man. He's got the potential for a sort of Denzel Washington-in John Q-type-deal where he has a damn good reason for his actions. And yet...

Robbing a bank + Wearing an oxygen tank on your back = Giving this man the perfect opportunity to blow your ass to pieces next time you try it. 

Elderly Maverick-Renegades beware.

Live From CSUF, Its A Blog Entry

 I generally do all of my entries from the comfort of my apartment, where I can steal jokes from my boyfriend and bounce ideas off my cat. But I've been challenged to submit a live entry from a foreign location, so here I sit on the Cal State Fullerton campus. 

I would have liked to have done a live blog from my parents house, where Nana could be hovering over my shoulder asking me what I'm writing about and telling me I should really play Mah Jong with her and her friends, but alas, she is visiting her sister in Philly, and we, we are free.

So, I blog from my second home, College Park, where the 

CSUF College of Communications is located. That being said,

I bring you a ridiculous story (aren't they all?) from Idaho.

Idaho Woman Mistakes Own Hearing Aid For A Milk Dud

By: Kimberly A.C. Wilson

Via The Oregonian

"Violet Bishop, 87, of Coeur d’Alene was tucked into bed with a box of Milk Duds, ready to watch  “Dancing With the Stars,” when something went horribly wrong. In her words:

“As I enjoyed the chocolate and caramel taste, it appeared that one of my Milk Duds was not as fresh as the others. One was rather crunchy and I could not get it to soften up, no matter how hard I tried.”

This lady got her picture in the newspaper for this. I don't think I would want my picture posted, its bad enough her name is in the article. Nothing like making an ass of yourself and letting a modern day town crier tell everybody about it. 

Luckily, Violet didn't swallow it. 

Old people: They can be like 7 year-olds, but with driver's licenses. 

Raccoon Posse

Sheriff Describes Raccoon "Gang Attack" On Woman

By Jillian Coyle

Via: WUSA9.com

"Lakeland, Florida (WTSP) -- A Lakeland woman is recovering from serious injuries in the hospital after sheriff's investigators say she was "gang attacked" by five raccoons Saturday afternoon."

"Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd says 74-year-old Gretchen Whitted was trying to shoo the animals away from her front door when they suddenly attacked."

...It gets better. 

"They've attacked once. If someone frightens them, will they attack again?" Judd asked."

...

"Even if we capture a lot of raccoons [Sunday night], we can't be sure they are our suspect raccoons," Sheriff Judd said."

Suspect raccoons?!?!?  Really?!??!? 

Is the city just going to have an all out raccoon whacking day?

I wonder if this lady's family feels guilty for leaving her for dead. And by "for dead" I mean, leaving her to care for herself  in nice home in a suburban neighborhood that happens to have a few wild raccoons. 

Where was her Life Alert ®?

Metallica Cures Cancer (But Not Really)

At 85, this matriarch still rocks-to Metallica

By Sean Daly, Times Pop Music Critic 

Via: The St. Petersburg Times

"Margaret Priebe is 85 years old...and a huge Metallica fan!!! She's going to the show on Oct. 3 with her son, Jim Priebe. While Margaret was fighting cancer - and getting chemo - she'd stay up late and listen to Metallica on her MP3 player, especially the band's live recording with the San Francisco Symphony Orchestra. She says the heavy metal band got her through the tough times. "I always liked rock music," Priebe said. "I love drums, and I like the way they play."

Kickass! It seems like there are two different kinds of ways to age in this world: Giving up on learning anything new and just not giving a fuck about keeping up with society, or, making an effort to stay sharp and enjoy what the future can offer. Margaret is one of the few from the latter. 

She proves it is entirely possible for an elderly person to utilize MP3 players and give music thats not from her generation a chance. She really embraced Metallica's music as she endured chemotherapy. I love this lady!

 Although, I don't know how her "liking things loud" makes her different from any other old person. My Nana always has our TVs on blast. Try driving home, only to hear Dr. Phil "telling it like it is" about "sexting" from three houses up. 

Obligatory Metallica joke: What killed her husband? The fact that his wife listened to bad music?

UPDATE: Granny got to meet Lars and the band backstage before the show!

I'd Rather Take Extenze®

Doctor accused of botched penis enlargments

State Medical Board says Anaheim Hills Doctor committed gross medical negligence.

September 18th, 2009 

By Courtney Perkes 

Via The Orange County Register

"An Anaheim Hills urologist faces possible state discipline for allegations that he botched several penis enlargement surgeries, according to the California Medical Board.

Dr. Gary Rheinschild, 75, faces possible discipline that could range from a public reprimand to loss of license. Rheinschild is accused of gross negligence in his treatment of three men and of practicing despite signs of cognitive impairment."

Prepare to cringe. 

"In 2005, Rheinschild performed surgery on a 21-year-old from Maryland. The patient reported that Rheinschild's hands sometimes shook and he had trouble remembering information. About five weeks after the $8,000 surgery to lengthen his penis and thicken it with a skin graft, the wound burst open and the penis began to shorten and curve, the documents say. The patient asked to come to California for a follow-up and Rheinschild refused to see him. Later the patient underwent two reconstructive surgeries, the documents say."

Due to his age, if Rheinschild lived in Illinois, he'd have to take a road test every time he tried to renew his driver's license. Yet, in California he was allowed to continue to perform, uh, delicate surgery as long as he so desired. Well, I'd say Dr. Rheindschild failed his proverbial "road test." Three times. 

A dunce cap should also go to the three men who saw no problem letting a man with "signs of cognitive impairment" operate on their junk. Bad Idea, gentlemen. Bad Idea. 

 

I'm willing to bet that ol' Doctor Disfigure was sharp as a tack about 30 years ago. He is probably a man with a long list of accomplishments, but one should really start to question his abilities with sharp instruments and human organs at the age of 75. Personally, I'd get a second opinion. Would you?