"Where is the ANY key?"

Internet Use Decreases Depression In Senior Citizens: Report

By: Amy Tierney

Via: TMC Net Healthcare

"Spending time online reduced depression among senior citizens by 20 percent, according to a report by the Phoenix Center, a nonprofit group that studies broadband Internet policy issues.

 

The report, “Internet Use and Depression Among the Elderly,” found that the Internet fosters interpersonal communication, helps reduce loneliness and improves a sense of well-being among seniors."

Well I'll be! I can believe this. Nana loves the internet, she would usually call me into the den once a day to help her figure out "where the screen went."  Sadly, I think that Nana is fairly internet savvy compared to most other elderly. I mean, she created a facebook account, has no idea how to use it or upload pictures, but at least she created one. 

I think that sending chain emails about praying for (person, place or thing) is what really improves their sense of well being. The loneliness is reduced by email conversations with Marklar, a Nigerian man who wants to put money in their account for safe keeping (all he needs is your bank account info!), and the interpersonal communication is fostered by emailing pictures of their grandchildren to their entire address book. 

Maybe if more elderly use the internet, I'll start getting hate mail! A girl can dream. 

"You Should Get A Gun"

We shall wait until all five of a person's senses are deteriorated. Their vision shall be blurry, their reaction time slow, their hands shaky, their hearing non-existent, and their judgment shall be poor. 

....Now, let us give them all guns. 

Think that is a bad idea? This jackass doesn't. 

Mr. Eric Puryear of THE EXAMINER (I've never heard of it either) thinks that "armed self defense is a senior citizen’s best chance at stopping a younger and stronger criminal who attacks them."

Yikes. This is a recipe for disaster, sir. Lets encourage those who accidentally step on the gas pedal instead of the brake pedal to buy a Glock. It is comparable to advocating arming middle-schoolers. Can their fragile bones even handle the recoil???

On the other hand, it would boost the economy. After all, I assume that sales of The Back Up® would triple. Then again, accidental shootings would increase tenfold. 

Needless to say, this article scares me. 

Nintendo, Meet Nana.

Recently, Nana asked if she could borrow my Wii so she could practice bowling for a Wii tournament at the senior center. After deflecting the question, I began to really think about old people and Wii gaming...

I don't really play my Wii as much as I should. I rarely play video games, and when I do, I want to do it lazily, without having to move any extremities. So, like manual labor, peas, and sunlight, it just not my thing. 

However, I do think that old people playing Wii is great. It gets them in touch with reality (although Nana did call the controller a "remote") and gets them moving. Also, it familiarizes them with Mario, Luigi, Princess Peach and the gang (This is crucial because it may prevent some young grandchildren from receiving knockoff Nintendo gear from Big Lots for Christmas).

I told Nana that practice was for losers and wished her the best of luck...I leave you with a list of 1o Funniest Photos of Old People Playing Wii. 

PS: The above link has a sequel! Its the SPEED 2 of "top ten" posts. (The joke here is that Speed was bad, and Speed 2 was worse. Apply that knowledge to the above link. AKA, its a lame countdown, and I'm sure "the sequel" is too.)

All I Can Come Up With Is, "Really?!?"

 Woman, 75, gets jail for running over an older woman near church

Ana Torres was convicted of hit-and-run 

By Larry Welborn

Via The Orange County Register

"SANTA ANA – An unrepentant 75-year-old Fullerton woman was sentenced to nine months in jail today on her felony hit-and-run and vehicular manslaughter convictions for running over and killing an 89-year-old pedestrian in a Placentia church parking lot."

...

"Instead of stopping to render aid, Torres drove away from the scene and parked her car. Baez argued that it would have been impossible for Torres not to know she had struck and run over the elderly woman, who screamed after she was knocked to the ground. Pound's DNA was found on the undercarriage of Torres' parked car."

The article also goes on to state that Torres can serve her time in home confinement instead, if the probation office "deems that appropriate."

Let us analyze what this woman did. She ran over an 89-year-old woman walking on a SIDEWALK , drove off, left woman to die, lied to police when questioned, and is still denying any guilt, even though DNA was found on the undercarriage of her car. Also, this took place in a Church Parking Lot! Jesus was watching!

NINE months in jail?!?!?!? The DA called that sentence "generous," I call it "getting off easy because you're old."

If this woman was 35, do you think she would have gotten the same sentence? It is not right that anybody gets treated any differently because of their age. It's a lot like my Nana freely using the term "Negro," most people just brush it off because of her generation. Excuse me, but she is an adult, she knows it is not acceptable, and she uses it anyway because people let her get away with it. 

Superior Court Judge David Thompson:  FAIL. You treated her like she's Lindsay Lohan or Mike Corona. 

"And I Want It All In Pennies!"

The gentleman to the right has been terrorizing San Diego bank tellers with his steady stare and gummy grimace. He is a suspect in three other bank robberies in the area. Read the story. Or just read the headline, it will give you the gist of it. 

Elderly Bank Robber Strikes In San Diego County Again

Via: LA Times

"...On Aug. 29, a robber in his 70s struck the U.S. Bank in Santee. On Sept. 11, a robber in his 70s, with an oxygen tank on his back, robbed a San Diego National Bank branch in La Jolla."

...  

"...In Friday's robbery, the man handed a teller a demand note and said he had a gun, although none was seen. He escaped with an undisclosed amount of cash."

I have decided to root for this man. He's got the potential for a sort of Denzel Washington-in John Q-type-deal where he has a damn good reason for his actions. And yet...

Robbing a bank + Wearing an oxygen tank on your back = Giving this man the perfect opportunity to blow your ass to pieces next time you try it. 

Elderly Maverick-Renegades beware.

Live From CSUF, Its A Blog Entry

 I generally do all of my entries from the comfort of my apartment, where I can steal jokes from my boyfriend and bounce ideas off my cat. But I've been challenged to submit a live entry from a foreign location, so here I sit on the Cal State Fullerton campus. 

I would have liked to have done a live blog from my parents house, where Nana could be hovering over my shoulder asking me what I'm writing about and telling me I should really play Mah Jong with her and her friends, but alas, she is visiting her sister in Philly, and we, we are free.

So, I blog from my second home, College Park, where the 

CSUF College of Communications is located. That being said,

I bring you a ridiculous story (aren't they all?) from Idaho.

Idaho Woman Mistakes Own Hearing Aid For A Milk Dud

By: Kimberly A.C. Wilson

Via The Oregonian

"Violet Bishop, 87, of Coeur d’Alene was tucked into bed with a box of Milk Duds, ready to watch  “Dancing With the Stars,” when something went horribly wrong. In her words:

“As I enjoyed the chocolate and caramel taste, it appeared that one of my Milk Duds was not as fresh as the others. One was rather crunchy and I could not get it to soften up, no matter how hard I tried.”

This lady got her picture in the newspaper for this. I don't think I would want my picture posted, its bad enough her name is in the article. Nothing like making an ass of yourself and letting a modern day town crier tell everybody about it. 

Luckily, Violet didn't swallow it. 

Old people: They can be like 7 year-olds, but with driver's licenses. 

Raccoon Posse

Sheriff Describes Raccoon "Gang Attack" On Woman

By Jillian Coyle

Via: WUSA9.com

"Lakeland, Florida (WTSP) -- A Lakeland woman is recovering from serious injuries in the hospital after sheriff's investigators say she was "gang attacked" by five raccoons Saturday afternoon."

"Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd says 74-year-old Gretchen Whitted was trying to shoo the animals away from her front door when they suddenly attacked."

...It gets better. 

"They've attacked once. If someone frightens them, will they attack again?" Judd asked."

...

"Even if we capture a lot of raccoons [Sunday night], we can't be sure they are our suspect raccoons," Sheriff Judd said."

Suspect raccoons?!?!?  Really?!??!? 

Is the city just going to have an all out raccoon whacking day?

I wonder if this lady's family feels guilty for leaving her for dead. And by "for dead" I mean, leaving her to care for herself  in nice home in a suburban neighborhood that happens to have a few wild raccoons. 

Where was her Life Alert ®?

Metallica Cures Cancer (But Not Really)

At 85, this matriarch still rocks-to Metallica

By Sean Daly, Times Pop Music Critic 

Via: The St. Petersburg Times

"Margaret Priebe is 85 years old...and a huge Metallica fan!!! She's going to the show on Oct. 3 with her son, Jim Priebe. While Margaret was fighting cancer - and getting chemo - she'd stay up late and listen to Metallica on her MP3 player, especially the band's live recording with the San Francisco Symphony Orchestra. She says the heavy metal band got her through the tough times. "I always liked rock music," Priebe said. "I love drums, and I like the way they play."

Kickass! It seems like there are two different kinds of ways to age in this world: Giving up on learning anything new and just not giving a fuck about keeping up with society, or, making an effort to stay sharp and enjoy what the future can offer. Margaret is one of the few from the latter. 

She proves it is entirely possible for an elderly person to utilize MP3 players and give music thats not from her generation a chance. She really embraced Metallica's music as she endured chemotherapy. I love this lady!

 Although, I don't know how her "liking things loud" makes her different from any other old person. My Nana always has our TVs on blast. Try driving home, only to hear Dr. Phil "telling it like it is" about "sexting" from three houses up. 

Obligatory Metallica joke: What killed her husband? The fact that his wife listened to bad music?

UPDATE: Granny got to meet Lars and the band backstage before the show!